kill your heroes
by xfucktheglasses
Summary: Basically, Batman's the best. I will fight you if you say otherwise.


This was entirely out of a txt-convo Sara and I had. It was so much fun and so funny. Also, I have a thing; when people say "it's not real when all the characters in the circle of friends talk". Just. Wow, what kind of world do you live in? When I'm in my circle of friends, we all talk AT THE SAME TIME WE MAKE NO SENSE. The point is, is that when a group of friends are all together, no one ever shuts up. Especially when in an argument. So don't ever review anyone's story saying "your story doesn't feel real because all the characters in a circle of friends were talking". Because then that won't make sense and the writer will question your selection of friends or your existence in general.

This has been a broadcasted advice session with Les. Carry on~

**kill your heroes**

His parents were out of town.

That was always the excuse—_always_. His parents were out of town and Itachi was still away for college. That was always the recipe to cook up _something_ at his house; Karin would call over her friends and they'd never leave and his own friends would walk in through the front door without knocking and without a single care and _they_ would never leave.

It was hell and Sasuke always wondered how he was always able to survive it, every time it happened.

"Jason Todd is so hot," Ino gushed, leaning forwards and staring at the screen.

Next to her, Tenten scoffed. "You're just saying that coz Jensen Ackles is voicing him."

"Well, that, too," Ino murmured, smirking and flipping her hair.

Sasuke stared at them for a second and then turned back to the screen. Under The Red Hood was playing on the flat screen in the living room and everyone—all ten of them—were crowding the place. There was junk food and soft drinks and beer and Sasuke had not moved from his place, save for his jaw tensing and un-tensing and his lips twitching from one side to the other as he rolled the metal ball inside his mouth, in between his teeth.

"God," his stupid kid sister groaned, tossing a leg over Suigetsu's. "Seriously—Batman? Yeah, completely overrated. Can we watch Superman for a change? I mean, c'mon, let's all admit it, Supey is _the best._"

Sasuke scoffed at this.

"Short shit, how about you shut up and quit acting like you know what you're talking about? Superman's a dick."

"_Please_. Batman is a huge douche—like _you_."

"I am going to destroy you if you _don't shut up_," Sasuke hissed, leaning forwards and glaring at her.

Seriously—he had already endured her goddamn side-commentary for the better half of the movie. Now she was bashing his hero down to the floor and over what? Stupid Kryptonian asshole? Did she not know that Batman was the better father out of the two—let's see her love Superman after watching how he treated Kon for the entire first season of Young Justice.

"Batman's whole 'my parents are dead' shit? No. Get out." And she flipped her hair, completely unperturbed by the throbbing vein at the side of Sasuke's throat.

Sasuke almost lunged at her—only almost. "I am going to shoot you with something lethal."

And Karin just batted her lashes at him, grinning in the most mocking way.

"Hey!" Ino called out, glaring at them both and swatting her forelocks out of her blue eyes. "Stephanie Brown beats both of them, hands down, so shut your _pie hole_—I'm trying to watch my future husband in action!"

"Who the _hell_ is Stephanie Brown?" Kiba asked, raising an eyebrow. He shrugged a shoulder, "Either way, you're all stupid—Spiderman wins everything."

To which Ino and Sasuke both snapped their attention towards him, identical death glares of doom on their faces.

"I am going to _eat_ you," Ino hissed, threateningly.

"Die, you stupid mutt," Sasuke growled.

Kiba merely grinned at them, lifting a hand up and waving them both over, "Come at me, you're both shrimps."

Next to Ino, Tenten turned away from her complete engrossment to the movie on the screen, to glare at all of them for making such an enormous commotion and thoroughly making it impossible to pay attention. She threw a pillow at Kiba's face (who, in turn, started laughing) and stomped out of the living room.

As the arguments raged on, Suigetsu sighed loudly and sat up from his slouch, throwing Karin's legs off of him and point a finger at no one in particular, "Le's jus' all 'gree tha' Flash beats all. Now le's shuddup already!"

His response was a loud snort as Naruto set his beer bottle down and clapped his hands, as if thanking him for the joke. "Fuck your basic bitches; Teen Titans, motherfuckers. They'd mob your hero any _day_. Booyah."

"I will _fight you _for Koriand'r," Sakura perked up, sitting up from Sasuke's other side and staring at Naruto with a challenging look. "I mean, alien Princess, man. That's as good as it gets."

Sasuke pulled her back, rolling his eyes and continuing his glaring battle with his stupid sister and with the stupid mutt. From the sole armchair, Neji watched all of them and their classless display, silently consoling himself and agreeing that Aqualad would forever be the most loyal, best, badass fucker in the entire history of superheroes.

Not too far from him, Hinata pursed her lips and narrowed her gray eyes, deciding that, "Sailor Moon is the best. All your arguments are invalid; please kindly shut the hell up now."

And she smiled at them.

But that only caused them to grow silent for two seconds, maximum, before the ball of arguments continued and it was an all-out brawl of insults and "my hero is better than yours shut up dickwad". The movie, unfortunately, went on completely ignored. Not even the Joker's complete madness captured their attention out of the heat of the battle.

At some point, three minutes later, Tenten stormed back into the living room, a bottle of beer in her hands as she yelled over all the screaming, "VAMPIRE HUNTER D ALL OR NOTHING."

And that silenced them all enough to turn towards the screen and watch the credits begin to roll.

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Please review c:


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